Here is a chain mail I got in 2000 which will tell you if you are “Addicted to AOL”, or as we now say: are a nerd. Well, according to this list, being a nerd is now a lot more popular. I highlighted things which are now common/not ridiculous anymore.
You might be addicted to AOL if…
- Tech support calls You for help
- Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL
- You watch T.V. with the closed captioning turned on
- You have called out someone’s screen name while making love to your significant other
- You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out"
- Three words: Carpal tunnel syndrome
- you want to meet a girl/guy and your first impulse is to turn on your computer
- you’ve ever gotten onto an airplane just to meet some folks face to face
- you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino’s
- you have ever joined "Si habla Espanol"(spanish chat room) "just to work on my spanish"
- you've ever typed "drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone"
- you go into labor and you stop to type a special e-mail letting everyone know you are going to be away
- you have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it (hehehe)
- you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences...
- you have met over 100 AOLers
- you begin to say hehehe instead of laughing
- when someone says “What did you say?” you reply “Scroll up!”
- you find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep
- you turn down the lights and close the blinds so people won't know you are on-line again
- you know more about your AOL friends daily routines than you do your own spouses
- you find yourself lying to others about your time on-line and when they complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook
- you have an identity crisis if someone else is using an s/n close to your own
- you would rather tell people your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much instead of the truth (all night on-line)
- you change s/n’s so much that you have to get your profile to see who you are
- you're broke, your modem burns out and you go out onto the streets to sell your body to get a new one
- you open your home to 15 strangers for a week merely because they have computers and cool s/n's
- your kids are standing at your side saying "mommy, please come cook dinner" and you would rather type another "LOL"
- you marry your cyberboyfriend and you both sit at your won computers and chat to each other every night from across the room
- you type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at the same time
- you won't work at a job that doesn't have a modem involved
- your dog leaves you
- you have to ask what year it is
- you are doing things more and more that you swore you would never, ever do when you first found chat
- you write a letter like this..."dear tom, hiyas! how r u doin well gotta go bbl!"
- you name your pets after people you talk to
- you smile sideways
- you sign on and immediately get 10 messages from people who have you on their buddy lists
- you have a map on the wall with red thumbtacks to mark where people you have met are
- you look at an annoying person off-line and wish you had your ignore button handy
- you bring a bag lunch and a cooler to the puter
- your significant other kisses your neck while you are chating and you think “uh oh cyber sex pervo”
- you have withdrawls if you are away from the puter for more than a few hour
- you use AOL lingo in everyday life (if you still have one…hehehe)
- you take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling
- your buddy list has over 100 people on it
- your worst comeback to a bully is “I’ll slap you with a rubber chicken.”
- you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get on-line before you have your first cup of coffee
- you have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake
- you have your puter set up so that it goes directly into AOL's welcome screen
- you wait 6 hours online for a certain “special” person to come home from work
- you don’t know where the time has gone
- you end sentances with three(or more) periods while writing letters in pen/pencil
- your relationship online has gone farther than any real one you have had
- you get up at 2am to go the bathroom but go turn on your puter
- you spell things outloud instead of actually saying the word
- you don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo
- when you enter a room and 23 people greet you with {{{Hugs}}} or ***Kisses***
- you stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme
- your voicemail/answering machine message is “BRB, leave your s/n and I will TTYL”
- you type faster than you think
- you got your psychiatrist addicted on AOL too and are now undergoing therapy in private rooms instead of at his office
- you want to be burried with your computer when it dies…or vice versa
- you actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted
- you can actually read and follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up your tv-screen at the end of a movie
- people say, if it weren’t for your super reflexes in your eyes and fingers, you would have long been classified as a vegetable
- you dream in text
- being called a newbie is a MAJOR insult
- there is absolutely no interesting chat any room and you are really bored….yet
- you don’t want to leave incase you miss something
- you double click your tv remote
- you can now type over 70 wpm
- you think about starting a 12 step recovery group for AOL junkies
- you are on the phone for a minute and need to do something else you say “BRB” or “BBL
- you check your e-mail and forget you have real mail aka snail mail
- you go into withdrawls during dinner
- you spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to everyone in a room
- you stop speaking in full sentances
- you have gone into an unstaffed tech support room and ended up “giving” tech support to other AOLers
- you have to be pried from your computer with the Jaws-of-Life
- your last sexual experience was really just a “textual” experience
- you set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted to "check your mail" and while you were there you "just wanted to see who's on"
- you meet people from AOL in public and have no idea what their real name is, so you call them by their s/n
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